Here’s a snippet from my substack. Check out all the posts here!
Why Hand Stuff is Better Than Oral Sex
I have a limited attention span for lengthy explanations and oral sex.
In both cases, I can make convincing sounds of interest while silently willing the other person to either get tired or get to the point.
The problem isn’t that I’m not getting what I’m asking for. It’s that a partner’s enthusiasm for disappearing under the sheets or—heaven forbid—sharing a movie plot in detail isn’t enough to hold my attention for long.
Hand stuff, though? I’m convinced anyone could survive a scene-by-scene breakdown of Lord of the Rings, provided there’s delicate but insistent touch and the occasional teasing plunge.
Which is why fingering’s reputation as immature pains me. It’s treated like oral sex’s pimply younger sibling: it gets a few half-hearted swooshes of lazy spell-casting under the jeans before the moment moves on.
A detailed defense of fingering
I Haven’t Lost My Sex Drive, I Just Don’t Like You
There's no prescription for "you're irritating the fuck out of me." Luckily, there are other solutions.
I’m friends with a married couple who are doing what’s usually only rumored about: they have sex multiple times a day. Every day. They’re not 22. They’re not newlyweds. They seem otherwise normal.
They just seem to like each other. A lot. And that’s the part I keep thinking about.
As a sex coach, I’m more familiar with couples who secretly dread their partner’s touch or can’t bring themselves to actually want the sex they (theoretically) want to have. They come to sessions asking how to spice up their sex life, hoping a blindfold, massage oil, or erotica will make them suddenly want to rip off their clothes.
When you Realize you don’t want cool sex. You want intimate sex.
Why softness in sex can feel embarrassing and old-fashioned
In terms of sexual confessions, I’ve heard it all. Between owning a sex shop and working as a sex coach, people tell me the things they can’t say anywhere else. They’ll share lurid affairs, quiet traumas, secret fantasies, and wild sexual escapades (I seriously love it, please never stop).
But the confessions people feel most embarrassed by aren’t about the taboo or traumatic. They’re about intimacy.
Within couples where there’s conflict about what to do in bed, novelty tends to outrank intimacy. Soft, intimate sex is viewed as a limitation to be broken rather than a legitimate sexual style. Sexual adventure has become a kind of virtue…
Women love Heated Rivalry. We don't owe you an explanation.
On our cultural obsession with pathologizing the fun out of women's desire
I am, by most standards, a media wimp. I’ll rewatch Ted Lasso and Friends forever. But the mere premises of Squid Game and The Last of Us stress me out; Black Mirror (which I clearly haven’t watched) is nightmare fuel.
So, you can imagine my delight when a show dripping in hot, gay hockey players hit the cultural zeitgeist. I half-watched the first episode of Heated Rivalry in a hotel bed while scrolling my phone.
That is, until the first major sex scene snapped me to full attention…
Bikinis, MILFs, and the lie of the sexually devoid mother
Moms F*ck, Too
“Family-friendly, one-piece swimsuits."
Last month, I watched a bunch of TikTok swimsuit hauls in anticipation of my family vacation. I wanted to see bikinis, but the algorithm had other ideas. Because I’m a mom, the results were all one-piece swimsuits dubbed “family-friendly”, as if having a child revoked my right to a cheeky fit.
My stomach, cleavage, booty cheeks, and upper thighs are the casualties of motherhood. While my husband has worn the same butt crack-skimming swim shorts since he was 25, I’ve been expected to reinvent myself as a wholesome, sexually-devoid mom–poolside and beyond.
Trust me–and Pornhub–when I say that people LIKE to fuck moms. “MILF” was the most popular category on Pornhub last year…